Dear Urban Outfitters,
I hope you can help me.
A few months ago I placed an order through your website for a friend of mine who is particularly technophobic. This was, and will forever remain to be the only reluctant dealing I have ever had with Urban Outfitters (disregarding of course this email), however understandably the company have now done their utmost to encourage me to buy their products. Ever since said purchase, I have been receiving some kind of photo collection through my letter box every few months, full of pictures of tattoo-doused hipsters standing around in some form of rustic environment, looking particularly moody and wearing some awkwardly fitting clothes that probably cost more than my entire wardrobe.
As such, I thought I would save you the effort and cost and advise you that I would much prefer such images are not sent to me. I have no interest in Urban Outfitters as a company, nor it’s products. I smile far too often to aspire to be one of the sulky teenagers in these pictures, my self confidence is far too high for me to feel the need to spend ridiculous sums of money on apparel, and I tend to prefer my clothes in the right size. I would appreciate if you would remove my address - and any other details of mine you may have for that matter - from any marketing lists you may have. That way I don’t have to spend the effort of carrying such a hypocritical amalgamation of marketing propaganda that belies the right-wing core of Urban Outfitters, the 15 meters from my front door to my recycling bin (removing the plastic film half way through said journey to separate the two materials into their appropriate disposal units), and you can send those pennies you saved over to Santorum and his crew of anti-gay dinosaurs.